I’ll get over the feeling one day
Today, later or tomorrow maybe.
Once I get the love I deserve,
Once I found what’s meant for me
Leave the pain, the sorrow
then move on with the past
Used to regret the memory
Now all I want is what’ll last
Once believed in us
What’s there, dreams we wished to be.
Now that you’re gone, you left,
All the feelings come undone for me.
The truth might hurt me now
But one day you’ll see
I’ll get over you and forget what was never we.
A writer of love, dreams,
Faithfulness, all that has been
Composer of rhythm
Loneliness and what once seem
Body is dying
Memory’s a blur
Forget that I exist
Oh please, leave, I insist
Just one last thing
I wish for you to do
Bury me in a love song
Only then will we be through
This is Christina Perri’s A Thousand Years which is one of Twilight: Breaking Dawn’s OST.
This is my current song addiction.
This song is written perfectly and I know this song will be played to a gazillion weddings around the world.
ENJOY!
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more
One step closer One step closer
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a Thousand years
I'll love you for a Thousand more
All of this broken melody
Symphony
Flying towards a dark eternity
Oh, why can’t we be
Together in a perfect harmony
Come with me,
Fly with me
Or just leave me hanging in this lost memory
Crying.
Lying.
Dead.
I’m longing for your skin to touch mine.
I wonder why I’m still here;
Maybe, I’m
Hoping all this hurt’s gonna end
That I can genuinely smile soon
Maybe, if
You and I are together
That we’ll be happy forever
Maybe, then
Only then, will I
Feel complete and contented
Maybe, but
it’s just a maybe.
Maybe not.
When all else fail, I wont.
But I did: to myself.
Words flow inevitably but the right things dont fit coz something’s missing.
I did everything; searched for it, fought for it, but to my demise.
Maybe it wasn’t meant for me, I said.
I tried to be better than everyone but realized im doing it for all the wrong reasons: I should’ve been better for myself.
oh love.
My mind wanders to a vast empty void.
No stills, no light, no nothing.
Am I dead?
Or is this just the cruel feeling of being love.less?
Spare me, light an ember to this darkness inside
Coz I’m always the one who needs to hide: this
misery that’s devouring me, I can’t
take no more
Come now,
Before black envelopes me.
Closet. N. A cabinet or enclosed recess for linens, household supplies, or clothing
Yes friends, I am back and I’m returning with a closet. Sorry for those who have been emailing me asking what happened. I am fine, totally fine. In fact, I wanna share some thoughts I’ve pondered upon this past few days.
A closet, as defined by thefreedictionary.com is a small room (or recess) or cabinet used for storage space and I wish we leave it at that. If you know what I am talking about, 2 stars for you.
Recently, some guy added me on Facebook, someone I do not know personally but knew him months ago through friend connections. He’s gay, let’s say, closet gay. Based on my observations from how he act, how he post stuffs and how he projects himself, that he is having a hard time. Having a hard time as his actions are limited, he should be cautious about how he moves, how he speaks and how he wants people to see him. Thinking about it alone gives me a hard time myself and a lot of uneasiness too.
What to do? According to a study I’ve read before, closet gays tend to be more depressed, unhappy, down in the dumps-type. They feel more alone because they got no one (or maybe limited) to share how they feel to. I believe it shouldn’t be that way.
I say EMBRACE THE GAY. We are all afraid, one way or another. But for PLMe, most of the time, it’s always that one thing: FEAR OF BEING RIDICULED. Fear of being rejected by the society, by people, by their family. What? Seriously? Are we still leaving on that time? I DOUBT IT. I see guys holding hands, I see them embracing each other, and some even, kissing, on the streets. Some might be bothered but the majority? I tell you, DOES NOT EVEN CARE. So why the fear? I’m not promoting PDA, what I’m trying to say is, people nowadays are more receptive to things like this so it shouldn’t be an issue anymore.
EMBRACE THE GAY. Afraid your family might be mad at you? Might mock you, judge you? Reality is, they are actually the people who will have your back when the world throws you and laugh at you because of you being YOU. Have you tried opening up to them? Who knows, they might just be waiting for you to tell them about how you feel? There’s no harm in trying. Trust me on this. Though it might not go well the first time, eventually, they have no choice but to get used to it.
EMBRACE THE GAY. We’re living in a time where people are judged not by who they are but on what they can do and what they have become. You will never be ridiculed if you can prove them wrong, that we are not who they think we are, that we are empowered people. That we are as much equal as anyone setting foot on the ground.
These are just some reasons why you should not hide inside the closet, there’s more to life than just the 4 corners of a dark space. People have already EMBRACED THE GAY, HAVE YOU?
You’re some kind of metaphor
The kind which no one could understand.
But when we met, I tried
I tried so hard to decipher you.
I’m some kind of light.
The kind that shines on the darkest hour.
When we met, I smiled
I smiled and gave up all my light for you.
But I think it’s wrong
It’s wrong to love you so much
Ooohh, not so much.
I am the apple of your eye
Shoulder when you cry
I’ll give up everything for you
I love it when I love you but
Stop thinking that you’re loving me enough
‘Coz what you can’t see
Is that you’re loving yourself more than you’re loving me
We’re some kind of hero
Trying to save each other from our villains
I never get tired of protecting you
Until I realized I have to brawl with you too.
But I think it’s wrong
It’s wrong to love you so much
Ooohh, not so much.
You are best days of my life
But ironically, my hero in disguise
I’ll give up everything for you
I love it when I love you but
Stop thinking that you’re loving me enough
‘Coz what you can’t see
Is that you’re loving yourself more than you’re loving me
I hate it when I’m feeling all crazy about this
When the only reason I cry each night
Is when I don’t know if you still love me as you loved me before
I hate to tell you but, stop.
Stop thinking that you’re loving me enough
‘Coz what you can’t see
Is that you’re loving yourself more than you’re loving me
Stop thinking that you’re loving me enough
‘Coz what you can’t see
Is that you’re loving yourself more than you’re loving me
And that’s where we’ll gonna be.
Stuck.
(Repost from my old blog)
When was the last time you took a chance?
A chance to spend time with your love.
A chance to move on a little further with your relationship.
Or even a chance to say you like someone?
You never had the chance?
OR YOU JUST DID NOT TOOK IT?
Regret is one of the hardest things in life.
It is a result of not trying, not taking a chance.
We are all given the chance with things: it’s up to us to step up, to do the next move. But somethings we fear so much that instead of taking the risk, we give up even without fighting for it. We let it go that easily because of the fear of rejection, the fear of losing. But what we do not realize is that it’s the fear of not trying that will scare us the most, eventually.
Why are we so afraid of taking chances with love even though we’re given the right things to start with? SIMPLE. We are afraid that if we succeed with the chance given to us, that we might not be able to live up to what we have fought for in the first place. WRONG. Taking a chance is already a success wrapped with an invisible ribbon. You just need to know how to untie the ribbon, how to remove the layers so in the end, we will be able to enjoy what’s inside this gift; a love worth the chance you took.
I’m writing this coz I want to take a chance with someone. I may not be the perfect guy, but I will try to be close to what he’s looking for. Distance might be something we need to fight against, but hey, we’re still under the same sky. I’m not saying I want him now, at this very moment, but I want to take the risk of saying I want to know him more, and I want to start now. I’m taking a risk, errmm, a chance, coz I think we have a chance.
🙂
What is it in a brand that we sometimes make it a first priority when buying something.
Most of the people I know are brand conscious. Louis Vuitton here, Louboutin there, Prada everywhere.
Most of the time, we buy it just because of the name, because it looks nice, not because it’s built to last.
Then comes my thought about how this seems similar with relationships. Why are some people more concerned about how someone appeal to them physically and sometimes take for granted those who love them more than anything in the world. Is this how superficial relationships have become?
When i was still in my experimental teen years, Im a hypocrite if I say physical appearance did not matter for
me, it did, in one point of our life (or in some cases, most or all parts of their life). But as i grow old, i realize there is more to relationships than just physical attraction. But why are most people still stuck on their experimental stage? And you’ll ask what the freakin hell is wrong with you?
This, most of the time, is the answer why most of us feel not contented, the reason why most relationships fail. Coz we are not contented, we look for more, just like a brand that changes their line every season. But hey, do we realize its wrong? I bet my arse most of us do not.
On the other hand, there are some who are blessed to find the perfect fit of stilletoes for them. I am more than happy for these people. They are the ones who are contented with what they have, have learned to appreciate their better half, no matter which season it is. I salute you people.
After writing this, i realized, am I still left on my experimental stage? Do i really prefer someone who will just look good beside me or do I choose someone who will last?
And then I will ask, in this brand conscious world of relationships, which brand are you?
Dear love,
I know I haven’t met you yet, or if we had the chance to meet before and just need to part ways, this letter is for you. I am in my room now, looking at the stars, thinking about how beautiful this night is and how more beautiful it could be if you are beside me. But I’m not in a hurry to meet you, take all the time you want. I know if the time is right, we’ll have more moments like this: more nights to see, more feelings to share. I know now, that patience is my best weapon, against wearying, against loss of confidence, against everything.
While you are gone, I am learning to love myself so when you arrive, rest assured that I can be yours wholly. I am not perfect, but I will try to be the best for you so both our wait will not go to waste. I can’t promise to be with you forever, but I will stay until life allows me to.
You might say I’m cheesy but no, everything I’m writing comes from my heart for you, whoever you are. I know I deserve you, and deep in my heart I know Im worthy of your time, your feeling, your love. Our relationship will never be perfect, but it will be worth the while. We might not have the perfect life, but we’ll make it worthy of living: with each other.
So wherever you are right now, you are on the perfect place, perfect time, and somewhere down the road, our path will join and meet. I promise I’ll hold your hand and won’t let go.
I LOVE YOU.
PS. Please take care of yourself coz I wont be there for you, YET.
I am constantly looking at his Facebook page not just because I wanna know what he is doing but mostly because I want to see him go from IN A RELATIONSHIP to being SINGLE. I do not mean any harm, neither do i do something that stops him from whatever he wanna do. It’s just me, wishfully thinking.
Call me bad or whatever you want to. Hopeless romantic. I really dont know what got into me to be so much into him. Im sorry. I blurt nonsense things when I think about him. So imagine me talking to him (which happens rarely). I even have his memory inked on me. But I’m too shy to admit it because, I dont know, something is stopping me: even that, i do not know what. Stupidity, foolishness, whatever this may be, i know it’s because of one thing: LOVE. As J. Hudson puts it, If this aint love, tell me what it is.
Here I am again. Staring at a blank page. I don’t know where to start but there’s one thing I am sure of: after months, years of everything, I’m sure he’s the only one who can make me feel this way. We knew each other years back but were only given milimoments to talk. Life isn’t fair.
I’m changing for the better: one step at a time. After that night with him, (t’was months back) I know, it’s only him my heart beats for. Call me cheesy or whatever you want to but hey, I’m struck by love’s arrow. And I know no matter how many relationships he’ve had, I’ll still be here waiting for him. I know he doesn’t know about how strong my feelings are but hey, this is something real. I don’t care if he’s in a relationship now or if he’ll be in two or gazillion more relationships. I’m changing for the better: a better me, so that when I get back, he can at least have a reason to consider.
Oh shoot. I’m totally pointless. Or am I just really in love? I dunno. HELP. 
Well, this might be it. I’m crazy in love and I can’t do anything about it. YET. I know I am one with the Greeks who believe in soul mates. I already know who mine is. I just need to wait for it. We can go play and do whatever we wanna do with our lives now. But some time, somewhat, somehow, I’m wishing that at the end of the road we are now travelling distance apart lays a road cropped by destiny for us to travel together. I hope. I wish. I love you though you don’t know.
I dare you to let me be your one and only. Promise I’m worth it to hold in hold your arms.
And you thought you’ll always be on the top of the gay hierarchy only to realize that you’ve fallen to square one. What happened? Your super hottie CLASS A boyfriend just left you for someone not even half of who you are. You know what I mean.
I am receiving emails from friends and random people who have experienced this. So here’s my answer to all o’yo emails guys. What say me?
MOVE ON.
Yes. As simple as that. There’s no point in winning him back. In the first place, why will he choose someone FUGLY if it’s not true love? Wake up. Walk away. That’s the best thing to do. Go grab a nice warm bath, wash away what’s left from that filthy bastard’s stench.
And of course, lonely you thought: “Hey, he’s a good catch! I’ll still keep my hopes up.” Puh-lease. One month, two months, one year and you’ll realize, your life is still revolving around his. He’s a good catch yeah? Well my friend, YOU ARE TOO. You just have to embrace it. You don’t need someone good looking to define how good-a-person you are. All you need is yourself, a bag of faith and a pack of patience.
YES. He might be more of a Mr. Right-now rather than Mr. Right, but look at the bright side brotha! Your Mr. Right is still out there somewhere waiting for you. Just extend your strand of patience and just let yourself shine. Hahah. Okay. That was uber gay. What I mean is, YOU are UNIQUE. You are your own cherry on top of the ice cream. So stop thinking that you are a nobody because you aren’t. You’re someone’s SOMEBODY, like it or not. And please, if he’s CLASS A, you can be CLASS AA or AAA. No one’s stopping you. That’s where self improvement gets in the picture.
REFLECT REFLECT. Use this experience as a guide for your future relationship. What went wrong? Was it your fault? Were you lacking something? What didn’t he like about you? Answer this as honest as possible and use it as your guide on the whats and what nots on your next boyfie.
It’s not that easy isn’t it? Who said it’ll be? Well, that’s part of a gay’s life. Because admit it or not, men are polygamous. We can’t be contented with what we have. There are just some people (rare) who know how to value a partner and a relationship. So do whatever you like to just for you to be able to move on. Go out with friends often, cry your heart out, go to the movies, we all have our own self-therapy. Just make sure that after this stage, you’ll go and face the world anew: without his shadow casting on you. You’re too valuable to just be an option.
Okay na?
Then SMILE.
xoxo,
B
Love is waking up next to the man you know you are going to be with for the rest of your life for the first time
Guy meets guy. Guy likes guy. They had sex then they fell in love. Yes? Might be. Might not.
Everybody has their own perfect love story to tell or is dreaming for one. And yes, I am one of ‘em people. They say nothing is impossible as long as you’re aiming for it. I say do not be in a hurry: move towards it even if it means taking small steps. You’ll get there eventually.
I got the inspiration to write this after running thru my inbox on an APP in my phone. (It’s an application called JACK’D for PLMe) On one message, JUNO K asked me: “Keen?” (this is a Singlish-gay-slang for “INTERESTED?”) I responded: “Yes, care to be friends?” He said: “FUN, CAN?” then I erased his message. You see what’s wrong with the picture? YES. YES. I know. I see it too. BOOTY CALL.
For most of us, me included, sex is a part of our relationship. ADMIT IT. or not. But what I hate about it is that sometimes, gay guys doesn’t even know the fine line between love and sex. Some even substitute one for the other. Which is the part where it gets scary. Some people get hurt and others, worse. So people, OPEN YOUR EYES. BOOTY CALL aint no LOVE CALL.
So going back, where am I? Oh, the love story. Okay.
“Hey close friend, I think I’m in love with you.”
Yeap. You’ve read it right. I believe that most successful relationships are built on friendship. That way, they will be able to get to know each other first before taking it up a notch. After thorough observations, I’ve come up with two types of the friendship-turned-love relationships. Here are two scenarios:
SCENARIO 1: Guy befriends guy wherein he has an ulterior motive besides friendship.
SCENARIO 2: Guy befriends guy because he genuinely wants to be his friend.
With the two scenarios, I think the later will work better. Imagine someone who knows you for who you are, someone who likes your barf, your laugh, the mole on your nose, who picks on you sometimes to love you for all that? That must be some heck’a love. I might be a little exaggerating but I only speak of possibilities. It can happen.
So there’s still hope for me and for PLMe who’s dreaming for the same. We (might) have yet to discover that our love-in-shining-armor is among our friends we go out with most of the time, or someone who’s been there through our down moments. Both of you might not know it yet, but hey, again, it’s not impossible.
For all the single people out there. Just hold on. Just be happy for what we have now. They say you wont be happy in a relationship if you’re not happy being single. Well I am a happy single so whatdaeff? Bring it on, suckers!
I will just be waiting for my love. Ni jiangyao shouhou ni wu lian’ai.
(Spandex group shot by Martin Eden)
So you found out that your ex is hitting on someone you used to go out with? And you were like, whatdaeff? High five! You’re not alone sister.
The gay world is really a small world. You’ll know someone through a friend who’s also friends with your other friend only to find out that he’s your boyfriend’s ex lover. Yes people. That’s how complex our world is. I dont say that this complexity makes it harder for us. But this is actually something that may cause trouble in one way or another.
You may ask, why the rant? Well, I just read this morning from my ex’s profile that he’s been going out with someone I used to date. The dating thing didn’t work for us because he’s too busy with his job and I’m equally busy with school way back. So we decided to just be friends and eventually, we lost contact. That time, when we used to go out, he’s the type of guy who has self-esteem issues. He usually tells me that he doesn’t have much friends that’s why he’s a downer most of the time. But now, he’s turned from a zero-to-a-hero. Yeah, you might see him on television specially during Sundays. And he…. okay. That’s already way too much information.
So going back to what I am saying, it really is a small world for us gays. This way, it’s easy for us to make lotsa friends but it also has its negaperks. Seeing someone who used to be special to you go out with someone the same can be a little weird. And what sucks is that you might feel awkward, jealous, sick, angry, sad, depressed. And imagine yourself feeling that as a single emotion. That’s how weird it is.
If you’re in my situation, what say you?
XOXO,
B
SALUTE!
I know a guy who’s 21. He’ll turn 22 this year but believe it or not, he can say straight to anyone’s face that he has been through lotsa things: love wise.
It’s not everyday that you meet someone who was forced to grow up because he chose to live independently, away from all the good things in life, away from most people. No he didn’t went meditating on the mountains and stuffs like that. He just gave himself a safe distance from the people who love him. The reason? he’s afraid to get hurt. Some might say it’s stupid but it’s his own way of self preservation.
He’s afraid that giving up even a little part of him to these people will make them like him and ironically, after the drill, he assumes he’ll be hurt by them. He doesn’t know if it’s karma or whatever, but things can go awfully wrong most of the time for him.
I know he’s been through 3 serious relationships and of all this relationships, he’s always the one left hurting. I even see him staring on blank space sometimes. I know he’s lonely but I cant do anything to help.
What I like about him is that he never played with the three magic words. He doesn’t say it unless he mean it. So I know that the people whom he said these words to really felt love from him. I’ve been waiting for him to say those words to me, but I think that’s what he always forget. To say I love you to me. I know he does.
Honestly? He’s not bad looking, not that good looking either, I can say he’s average. But he believes that it’s the personality that comes first above anything. What good can a fair skin buff guy do if he treats you bad or if he cheats on you? He’d rather stay with someone who’ll be with him through the bad times rather than someone who’ll stay during good times but will leave him hanging on his worst.
I love his sense of humor. I love how he handles himself in public. I love how he speaks with people and how he makes them feel special. I love the piercing on his ears, his recognizable smile. But what I love most about him, is that he can write this post without even dropping a tear. 🙂
MY MOM WITH MY GRANNY
“NILALANDI KO SIYA. EYE TO EYE CONTACT KAMI.”
(I’m flirting with him. We’re having an eye to eye contact)
YES. Those are the words I’ve heard from my mom. She’s finally a lady. Congratulations MOM! Hahaha. No seriously, not what I’ve expected.
[DISCLAIMER: My Mom and Pop are still together. It’s just sometimes, I allow my mom to go out with other guys. Hahahah. And these are all friendly dates, just for her to meet new acquaintances.]
My mom has been working her butt out in Taipei since i don’t know, I was in first grade I think? And she gets to visit us once or twice every three years. But that didn’t stopped me from being close to hear. In fact she was the first person in the family to know I am a bisexual. It’s funny though. When I told her on a phone call years back: “Mom, feeling ko gusto ko din ng lalaki” (“Mom, I think I like guys too”) her response was very unexpected. She told me: “Okay lang yan, bibilhan ba kita ng mga damit pambabae?” (“That’s okay. Do you want me to buy girl’s clothes for you?”) I was like: “OF COURSE NOT!”. I don’t have anything against cross dressers but it’s just not my cup of tea. And YES. You’ve read it right. Not the typical mother and son conversation. And that even made us closer in more ways than one.
I can still remember some of the moments we shared together.
*You, hitting me when I was four because I bitch-fitted about going to Jollibee. Hey, I can still remember the whole story: You promised me that we’ll go to Jollibee if I sleep that afternoon. Well, I slept but you said we weren’t going anymore when I woke up. That explains the bitch fitting.
*Me, stealing from Auntie Phine’s coin bank and transferring the stolen coins to my bank. But conniving you figured out what I was doing since all of the money on my coin bank was all rounded peso coins (that’s all I can save back then) and you were surprised to see tons of 2-peso coins on my bank. Stupid me didn’t realized that. Yes, I was hurt by the slipper you used to hit me.
*You, crying on my shoulder when you were lost on your way to my dorm in college. That was actually my fault, I asked you to go there. But hey, I was able to pick you up, two hours after, that is.
*You, liking Patrick Starr because I told you I like him so much. You even bought Patrick Starr collectibles for me even if I told you that you don’t need to.
*You, learning how to text, a decade after texting was invented, Last year (2010) that is. The first text I’ve received from you: “Nak kamusta na? I hope you’re doing well with your work.” (“Son, how are you? I hope you’re doing well with your work.”)
*Your monthly phone bills that are waaaaay over your budget because I always give you a call to tell you to call me because I need to tell you updates on my love life.
*You asking how my boyfriend is doing even without me telling you about him. You’ll always know what to say: EVEN IF I AM NOW SINGLE.
I love my mom. I super love her. She’s the most selfless person I know.
I know you couldn’t read this, but by the time you learn how to surf the net, please visit my blog, read this and say: “I LOVE YOU TOO, PEP” even without me hearing.
‘Corrective rape’, the vicious practice of raping lesbians to ‘cure’ their sexuality, is a crisis in South Africa.
Millicent Gaika, pictured above, was bound, strangled, and repeatedly raped in an attack last year. But brave South African activists are risking their lives to ensure that Millicent’s case sparks change. Their appeal to the Minister of Justice has exploded to over 140,000 signatures, forcing him to respond on national television.
If enough of us join in to amplify and escalate this campaign, we could help get urgent action to end ‘corrective rape’. Let’s call on President Zuma and the Minister of Justice to publicly condemn ‘corrective rape’, criminalise hate crimes, and lead a critical shift against rape and homophobia.
CLICK HERE TO SIGN THE PETITION
Let us help them.
MAKE LOVE NOT HATE!
Spread the word.
THOUGHTS OF A RANDOM AUTARKIC SOUL 